Operation:Endgame

 

Hey, It's That Guy From That Thing: THE MOTION PICTURE

5 Days of War

 

"Based on actual events"? Man, if I outran fire breathing helicopters only to be played in the movie by "Rupert Friend", I would be pretty miffed.

Doctor Dolittle: Tail to the Cheif

 

Man, Vivid Entertainment is going to be pissed when they learn that they'll have to change the subtitle of their inevitable Obama- themed adult film.

Beethoven's Big Break

 

Pfft, teach it to play basketball, THEN I'll be impressed.

Spy Kids 4

 

THAT'S NOT EVEN A PUN. CHRIST.

Abduction

 

"Die Hard in a kaleidoscope with the Twilight werewolf" probably shouldn't have made it past the "high concept" stage.

Friends with Benefits

 

It's nice to see movie stars using their platform to spread awareness of debilitating conditions like Alien Hand Syndrome.

Romeo and Juliet (in Yiddish)

 

Sorry, but this project lost all credibility the moment you decided not to call it Romeo and Jewliet.

Green Lantern

 

"Woah, you didn't tell me Abin Sur was going to be in it! Now I have to see this movie!!!"- Literally no one, ever

The Fifth Quarter

A mass of white people, bathed in golden light, raising their arms in salute? Yeah, that's pretty inspirational all right.

Salvation Boulevard

 

DEATH BIBLE: THE BIBLE THAT EATS

Straw Dogs

Run! The sepia is coming from inside the glasses!

The Undefeated

 

"Make sure the poster for my Sarah Palin movie looks as much like old Soviet Propaganda as possible please!"- Stephen K. Bannon

Also, the poster for Sarah Palin's movie literally depicts a beautiful natural landscape sullied by an ugly oil pipeline. That seemed worth mentioning.

Judy Moody

Wow! It's like Mary Poppins meets Scott Pilgrim meets blunt force trauma! That's totallyrandomcrazypantsawesome wickedcheesefartsomeonehelpme!

The Smurfs

Well, they only missed the boat on that nonsensical pop culture reference by about five years.

 

Well, they only missed the boat on that nonsensical pop culture reference by about thirteen years.

Well, they only missed the boat on that nonsensical pop culture reference by about FORTY THREE YEARS.

The Three Musketeers

 

Some People, At Least Three of Whom are Likely Musketeers by Anonymous Intern

Pirated copy of Photoshop© on Canvas, 2011

(This piece on loan from the Paul WS Anderson Center for Fine Arts.)

Hard Breakers

 

From the look on Tom Arnold's face, the battle of the sexes isn't the only thing that just got harder!

There's also Tom Arnold's penis. That's the main thing I want you to take away from this. Tom Arnold's engorged penis.

Zookeeper

Oh how cute. Kevin James thinks he's people.

Knucklehead

 

To to recap we have:

• Red Text
• White Background
• A grown man in a diaper
• C-list actors
• A midget

Yet neither hide nor hair of Jamie Kennedy? Something is amiss here.

Chalet Girl

 

It's cute that they put "snow-mantic" in quotes as though it were a thing an adult human would ever actually say.

And Soon The Darkness

 

You know you've got a problem when even the people on the poster are ignoring your movie.

Meet Monica Velour

 

I'm guessing "airbrushed, flipper-handed fifty-something presented as an object of sexual desire" falls under the heading of "fantasy".