The Money Pet

 

So, where does the dog get the money? Going from the tagline, I'm guessing prostitution.

11-11-11

 

Apparently The Number 23, The Omen remake, Knowing, 2012, Chain Letter, The Da Vinci Code, and Angels and Demons weren't nearly enough to placate a numerology thriller-hungry audience.

Although it is nice that they brought on a director who has experience with numbers, repetition, and disappointment.

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale

 

Yup, those are the kinds of facial expressions you make once you've resigned yourself to appearing in a movie directed by Uwe Boll.

Extreme Movie

 

Woah, is that a Pre-Raphaelite painting of Michael Cera? That is SO EXTREME DAWG!

Also, this is apparently "soft porn masquerading as comedy starring Jamie Kennedy" week.

Finding Bliss

 

You seriously couldn't get Jamie Kennedy in the studio for a photoshoot? I guess his busy schedule conflicted with Denise Richards's.

Melancholia (Foreign)

 

YOU DON'T GET TO

OFFEND

6,000,000 JEWS

WITHOUT HUMILIATING

A FEW WOMEN

(They reuse designs, I reuse jokes. Fair is fair.)

200mph

 

ZOOmph! There it is!

ZOOmph! There it is!

Neverwas

 

"DUUUURRRRRR I LIKE IT WHEN THE SHINY"- Aaron Eckhart, Hero

Fast Five

 

Why is the poster for a film that consists almost entirely of carsplosions so...painterly? This looks like something that should be hanging in my dentist's waiting room.

Fast Five: A film by Terrence Malick.

Heavy Petting

 

The man and the dog were about to kiss before a cardboard cutout got in the way.

That is literally the only way to process this image.

The Change-Up

 

LAZY POSTER ALERT LEVEL: BLUE/ORANGE

The Chaperone

 

If ever a movie poster merited a "waah waah" trombone sound, surely this would be it.

The Ward

 

Domestic Abuse Barbie seems skeptical of this quote from Tim Hannigan of "Movies Online".

The Truth H- I mean, The Dilemma

Giving your movie two taglines, one of them bigger than the actual title, is surely a Good Idea.

 

Then again, I can see how it would take all day to come up with something as clever and original as "THE TRUTH HURTS". I'd probably want to put that front and center too.

The Dilemma

 

Two-dimensional black people make bad movie posters like this, but doughy white people make bad movie posters like this.

The Heart Specialist

 

Method Man and Ed Asner: Together at last in this "new style comedy"!

(Yes, this is an actual poster. Yes, this had a theatrical release.)